Raw: March 31st, 2025 in London

Promo: Cody Rhodes and John Cena: You’re still my hero, but you’re a piece of shit.

John opens the show once again with all the energy of a kid wearing a pink bunny costume on Christmas morning. But before he can explain (again) how much we all suck, Cody Rhodes crashes the party. He warms the audience up for the coming confrontation by… roasting himself, before John can get to it. Fortunately for Cody, he’s charismatic enough to make a dramatic reading of Moby Dick entertaining, so it’s good stuff.

But, seriously, this is it folks. Clash of the Titans. Face of the company squared. And it lives up to the hype. Cody accuses John of burying younger talent, to which John replies “I bury mediocrity”. John derides Cody for inauthenticity, dismissing the American Nightmare as a corporate-made, an empty shell calculated for maximum appeal. There maybe something to that, Cody concedes, but at least he’s never been on the receiving end of a “you can’t wrestle” chant.

A nerve is struck. John, who was preparing to walk out, instead steps back into the ring. They square up. John smiles, makes to leave, then lashes out. Cody lays him flat with a long-awaited Cross Rhodes.

Match: New Day vs. New Catch Republic

Last week, the New Day demanded a shot at the World Tag Team Championships. Adam Pearce announces that they’ll need to earn that shot by defeating the New Catch Republic in tonight’s match. Xavier and Kofi manage a slightly questionable victory, and are intercepted on the ramp for an interview. They confirm that, yes, they are very much deserving at a championship shot (while Xavier has a staredown with his new nemesis: Random Audience Child). The War Raiders arrive for a staredown, setting us up for what will, presumably, be their WrestleMania story.

It is very nice to have Tyler Bate back.

Backstage: Jimmy Uso prepares for his upcoming match; Jey worries

Jimmy assures Jey that he’s not afraid of Gunther. His concern is proving to Jey that the Ring General can be beaten. But judging by Jey’s haunted expression, he isn’t so sure.

Backstage: Bianca Belair goes to school

The camera catches Bianca, dressed in a bejweled striped uniform, getting some last minute tips on how to count from a real referee.

Match: Jimmy Uso vs. Gunther

We all knew how this was going to go. Gunther isn’t satisfied with beating Jimmy. He’s out to punish him, and through him, Jey. During the match, Gunther toys with Jimmy, intentionally pulling up from countouts and finally choking him out to claim victory. Even after the match ends, though, he keeps beating on Jimmy, choking him out a second time despite the security team’s best efforts. He is obviously trying to draw out Jey, and he does. When the Main Event arrives, Gunther bails, only to come back while Jey is trying to help his brother escape. After a security-sprinkled tussle, Jey finds himself zip-tied to the ropes, forced to watch as Gunther torments a bloodied and broken Jimmy.

Backstage: Judgment Day

Finn Bálor seems in high spirits, happy to put all that “new member” business behind them. His good mood extends to everyone on the team except Raquel, who receives an uncool shot about losing her Intercontinental Title match the week before.

Match: Penta and Bron Breakker vs. The Judgment Day (Finn Bálor and Dominik Mysterio)

Finn and Dom put on a fairly straightforward match, by Judgment Day standards. Bron takes out Penta by accident, and the Judgment Day take full advantage, snagging a much-needed win for their stable. Finn personally inflicts Penta’s first Raw pinfall, and as we’ll see later, Penta is not too thrilled about it.

Backstage: Chad Gable and Adam Pearce, Maxxine Dupri has an idea

To the disappointment of those eager to see Chad Gable return to action, he delivers another doctor’s note to Adam Pearce. But, he assures Pearce, he will definitely be healed up by the time Raw arrives in his hometown of Minneapolis next week. Unfortunately, Gable’s documentation has grown a little too powerful. Pearce can’t in good conscience let him wrestle next week. But not to worry, because El Grande Americano is ready to go.

Meanwhile, the Alpha Academy arrive. Gable pauses to call Otis an idiot before storming out. Maxxine Dupri is here to make a pitch to Pearce, something that her and Natalya have been thinking about. What that is, though, is a reveal for the future.

Backstage: Penta calls Bron stupid

Penta crashes Bron’s backstage interview to repeatedly call the Intercontinental Champ stupid, presumably for the whole Spear-gone-wrong thing.

Promo: Logan Paul vs. AJ Styles: ‘You’re broke!’

My ears started ringing somewhere after Pat Mcafee plugged Logan Paul’s stupid reality show, and next thing I knew this dumbass was harassing the audience about poverty. I have no idea what happened before that.

AJ retorts that Paul shouldn’t “write a check that your ass can’t check”. Paul seems suspicious that this might be some sort of a threat. When he asks to clarify, AJ reminds him that they work for a wrestling promotion. After some posturing, rich man Logan attempts a cheap shot on AJ - I knew he got all that money from somewhere. A brawl ensues, ending with Paul landing a Paulverizer (dammit, that finisher is actually cool) on AJ, and setting them up for WrestleMania.

Backstage: Judgment Day celebrates

If Finn was happy before, his victory has left him downright hyped. So hyped, in fact, that he’s off to demand another title shot from Adam Pearce. Liv complains that Finn isn’t giving Dom enough credit, and flounces away to put things right.

Women’s World Championship Match: Rhea Riplay vs. IYO SKY (w/ Bianca Belair as guest referee)

This match is a shitshow (obviously), but in the best ways. Bianca is equal parts enthusiastic and uncomfortable as referee, waving her hands while she counts and woman-handling the wrestlers off of each other. Her positioning is particularly poor, a problem that eventually introduces her face to Rhea’s boot. Bianca, obviously operating under The First Referee Law of Physics which states that “a referee that gets bumped stays bumped for at least a minute”, vanishes from the ring long enough to miss Rhea Riptide and then pin IYO for much longer than a three count.

Bianca does manage to continue the match, despite Rhea’s disintegrating chill. Not long after, though, the guest ref takes yet another accidental bump, this time from IYO. Declaring “I’m done!”, Bianca calls the match as a double disqualification, which for Rhea, means losing her chance at reclaiming the Women’s World title. She retaliates, which sparks off a rock-paper-scissors brawl between the trio: Rhea attacks Bianca, IYO attacks Rhea, and Bianca attacks IYO. The night ends with Rhea slamming a top-rope Riptide on Bianca. Her dreams crushed, but her message was certainly delivered.